


home

by synergies



Series: home [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, and lots of repetition / repeating text, hi i'm emo over kh3, kind of? sure lets go with that, sea salt trio, uh no big warnings besides kh 3 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-25 23:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17734754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synergies/pseuds/synergies
Summary: A puppet has a part to play, in the end, and finds her way home.





	home

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a canon divergent, ‘what if the vessels had a larger role in the plot’ and ended up as self indulgent Xion getting to be more active in kh3′s plot. Reinforcing the warning in the tags, but includes usage of a lot of repetition / repeating text.  
> Alternatively titled ‘it’s a good thing Roxas and Axel spend 90% of kh3 not being around but I was really tempted to be canon divergent there too’, the novel.

### ( home is where your heart lies, or something like that )

When Xion awakens, there is pain, and a murmur from somewhere— someone else— vaguely familiar enough that puts her on edge. She might have had some sense of awareness, while she slumbered in... there, so this, this feels... wrong. Bad.

They tell her to ignore it. Forget it.

So she does exactly that ( not by choice though, not by choice ). She does not want to forget about seashells and sunsets and ice cream and—

They make her forget, and she ignores the tugging feeling that she needs to go home.

You have a job, it would do you good not to fail this time. They whisper in her ears, you were chosen for a reason ( what reason, she wants to question, but she bites her tongue because something about staying silent seems more fitting ).

Xion stares at her reflection, golden eyes staring back at her blankly.

* * *

Vexen won’t stop watching her.

He’s not the only one, really. Xigbar watches her curiously, like there’s something else there to her. Saïx watches her like he expects her to break.

But Vexen watches her like he’s observing. Waiting. It’s discomforting, but less so than that feeling of—

— go home, go home, home; but where is that, she whispers. Isn’t home where she already is?

( She misses the gleam of regret in his eyes ).

* * *

“Focus, Number Thirteen.” He tells her, and she tries not to flinch at the coldness in his eyes and the feeling of that’s wrong, that’s wrong, that’s wrong. She’s not Thirteen—

She’s just another pawn, a vessel— a puppet, one might say. She is not deserving of that number. ( Is it even her number? Logically, Xion has no reason to question it, yet she can’t help the feeling that there’s something wrong about being called that ).

“Focus.” Saïx snaps at her again. “I don’t have time to babysit you. Get in position to defend yourself.”

She doesn’t understand this. Isn’t allowed to try and understand. Puppet girl has a part, vessel does not get to stray from that role, girl will dutifully obey the command she is given and will not question otherwise.

( You cannot question that which you do not know ).

In the end, she is just another vessel after all.

* * *

She is not the only Replica among the Organization.

Though this should be a fact that is, on some level, comforting; it does not do anything of the sort for her.

Even though Xion does not know why, that face— that face haunts her, makes her guts twist and her heart...? ( What of her heart? It does not exist to begin with ).

He is callous and rough one moment, something she cannot quite name in the next—

 _I’m the real one,_ Riku whispers when he thinks no one else is around. _I’m real._

Somehow, she feels like they are more alike than she realizes.

* * *

 She does not know Larxene very well.

( Xion falters a little when she has that thought because, she did not know anyone here— why would she have thought she knew anyone? Save Demyx, who acts like everyone is an old friend, she has no reason to have come to think that ).

It is with great reluctance that she is taken out to do recon, a different kind of ‘training’; out to Arendelle, which is more sun and water than she is used to seeing

— and the feeling someone else should be here with her.

Vessel keeps her hood up, follows silently in the shadows of her senior, flinches at the jabs the elder makes at her expense and does not try to speak back.

There are moments too, that, even with disdain, she will correct her posture, her stance, her fighting style; indirectly answers the soft questions about their hearts or therefore lack of, when the people around them talk of emotions that they don’t exactly have.

( It feels wrong feels wrong feels wrong — )

It is ‘cold’ the next time they visit, with snow and ice that is also much different than she is used to seeing; but they don’t have time for such luxuries when they have a task to see to, even if that is simply to watch and wait.

Xion has never seen boy with the keyblade, who with a single simple gesture of his body screams home at her more than anything else she has ever known and causes a tingling feeling in the back of her mind,

and home home home home—

This isn’t right her head screams — her heart, her heart... does not exist ( neither does she, some part of her whispers, just a vessel without meaning ).

Even hours later, when they are back home and she is stuck staring blankly at a wall while she awaits for someone to give Xion her next task, she cannot stop thinking about him.

( She has no explanation for why her throat had felt so tight when she saw him ).

* * *

She tries not to flinch at the odd utensil Vexen prods her with ( apparently, she is not immune to cold, she had just gone numb to it after a while because their cloaks had not been sufficient to protect against prolonged exposure to that, or so that’s what he says ).

“Stay still.” He’s stern; harsh, but not as harsh as... as what? She’s not sure where that train of thought was going, but she doesn’t have time to linger on it as he demands her attention once again. “Lord Xemnas expects that you stay in good condition, vessel. It would be good of you to learn your limits; be more observant of your surroundings in the future.” A frown on her part, as if she would really know what that entails, but he’s too busy jotting down notes for her to try and interrupt.

“How interesting...” He murmurs, but doesn’t speak further on it than that ( she would ask him to elaborate, but Xion gets the feeling that it would not be said in away understandable for her, so she bites her tongue ).

She sits in silence while he makes his diagnosis and wonders what being a vessel actually means.

* * *

Research Entry 572: Regards to the Replica No. i and Other Notes of Importance

Thus far, the work to create an improved version of the Replica Program seems to be successful. While it is a shame that I could not have been present to observe No. i’s original existence— for I lack good notes to make comparisons to— I have great confidence that these are improvements of the previous vessels based on what information can be salvaged from my former reports. I will have to continue depend on other’s reports of the Replicas in order to conclude the success of the former project and determine what else needs to be improved, what further refinements can be made, in order to grant them ‘humanity’.

Truly, what emotion she seems capable of conveying is something— the miracle of a heart, perhaps, or that boy’s influence. I will have to make further observations and testing before I can establish what is the true cause at hand, or if it is perhaps a mixture of the two. The other replica we are currently using, a version of the Riku Replica, is quite an interesting subject in itself, but I will save those observations for a different entry, for it is far different than she is.

At least it seems as though No. i has been a successful experiment, both then and now. Though lacking qualities that would make her a nobody, she is still not quite close enough to a human, so perhaps it can be concluded that a vessels are different from both nobodies and humans. Perhaps further testing of that theory and a refined hypothesis would lead to an answer. Perhaps it is for the best that project is left in the past with the rest.

Back to the subject of No. i, she seems to have finally stabilized, to no fault of her own. The necessity to keep her memories and ‘heart’ initially set her back, and is still causing some difficulties, but it seems that her identity has been shaped, nonetheless. The frequency with which her appearance falters is less often, but it is possible that it is not permanent, should her memories return to her again. That is not an immediate concern, and shall be dealt with should the problem arise. I admit, I was surprised to see that she has gained a stable identity, but this is further proof that she is not simply a vessel, but human, I believe. The fact she has adopted the name given to her and taken on an appearance based on her heart, that is the true miracle here.

I suppose I will record what Demyx has reported here, for it holds some relevance to No. i. As expected, the vessel has taken on No. 13’s likeness, but remains in slumber as the heart remains separate and thus unable to awaken. A partial success, then, we will have to see if it awakens in time. It is rather unfortunate I cannot see this process for myself, as No. 13 and No. i are quite unusual subjects, having ties to that keyblade wielder.

I have also been informed that child does not require my assistance, for he has deemed himself familiar enough with the vessels. Was it not your arrogance that got you killed, Zexion? Regardless, I will leave No. 13 in his capable hands, and see to it that my research continues on this side of things. There will be time to speak with the rest of them, when this is all over. For now, I must continue to do my part so I may atone for my role in all this.

I only pray that No. 13 can awaken in time, because... should she follow the same fate that was intended for her original vessel, he may be the only one who can stop her.

— Vexen

* * *

“...break...you kn...help...str...”

She strains to try and pick up on what is being said— she’s not the kind to eavesdrop, even as uncertain and curious as she is, she does not have that will to do so most of the time.

And had she not heard her name, she probably would have withheld the urge to do so.

Xion presses her ear to the door, tries to focus on figuring who’s saying what—

“What are they talking about?”

She inhales sharply and jumps— its probably a good thing that she is so quiet most of the time, even when startled she hardly even utters a squeak. Her hood hides the weak glare she shoots at the source of the voice ( and almost startles a second time— since when has Demyx been that quiet? ), and opts not to answer the other as she walks away. She’s not going to hear anything else, she knows, and the last thing she wants is to be caught because he can’t be quiet.

( Of course, he doesn’t give up so easily; she hears footsteps following her like a puppy, and something like fondness stirs in her for a moment )

“Have you been out?” Upon sensing the silent query from her, he elaborates. “Besides for recon.” A wordless shake of her head ( the idea of being out for recon seems unusual—or not, she’s not quite sure, actually ).

“No? That’s kind of weird since you’re not benched.” Xion shrugs, she is not so dumb as to believe Demyx doesn’t know better—something that she doesn’t know ( but she doesn’t know what that is exactly, so she can’t do much more than watch him skeptically ). A hand settles down on her shoulder, snapping her away from her thoughts; peers up curiously at him as she waits for him to speak. “Say, why don't you tag along with me? They aren't having you do anything better, so it's not like you'll be missed.”

Something tells her she doesn't get a say, another part of her questions what he's trying to do ( trying to make friends with a nobody like her ).

“Where are we going?” She asks with reluctance, a hint of childlike curiosity. When she gets no response more than the opening of a corridor, she follows up with another question. “Is this where you usually disappear to?” He doesn’t answer, just gestures for her to follow him as he heads through the portal.

It’s bright when Xion steps through to the other side, wincing as she takes a moment to adjust, before opening her eyes to the sight before her—

“Ta-da!” He exclaims, a gesture of his hands ( that goes ignored by her, who has been frozen by the feeling of the wind in her hair, the smell of salt, and the sound of waves crashing ). Her non-existent heart clenches—

her gaze freezes on the sight of the setting sun and

all wrong, all wrong, all wrong, her head screams, there should be three people here, where the sun meets the sea.

( She doesn’t know when— why she starts crying )

* * *

“Again.” Saïx orders, and she complies— replica girl takes position, swings a weapon alike his as she harnesses the energy of his magic, uses her own magic to mimic the shockwaves he makes. Her keyblade slams into the claymore and the illusion is temporarily shattered, until her magic is restored enough for her to reform it.

She is tired, but she continues regardless— there is part of her that can fight, instinctively, but instincts will not be enough to gt her though a serious fight, so she is stuck training, again.

( Make yourself useful, play your part right, puppet. Vessel may have some will of her own, but when she knows what her purpose is, she does not have a reason to go against it ).

She jumps back when a flurry of red flames are sent in her direction— red? That doesn’t seem quite right, despite the fact that it is far from the first time she has seen that attack ( rubs her eyes and they are back to a sea of blue ). She takes a moment to hang back and recollect herself; no time to question what she’s seeing, waits for his form to revert before she tries charging in. Keyblade collides with blade, holds there for a moment as she is stared down by green eyes before she is sent flying back and—

distinctly, she has the feeling he is holding back; a feeling that is similar to something she doesn’t quite know.

( Someone pleads with her to stop, and Xion only wishes that she could comply with it.

Somewhere deep in her soul, she too wishes she could stop ).

* * *

Girl plays her part very well. She is quiet, hidden beneath her cloak, does not spare a glance to their opponents

( They are your enemies. Do not spare them a second thought, she is told firmly, and like always does not question the orders she is given— the look in Saïx’s eyes when he gave her this order, however, does linger in her mind.

It haunts her, so she does as she is instructed and ignores to the best of her ability ).

It is hard to ignore bright red that keeps catching her eyes, the brunet that she had seen on that day—

a face that shatters her world and—

home home home home.

She ignores the feeling of her reality being threatened and clings onto the fact that they are supposed to be the victors here

( Does she even want them to win...? )

It is some irony who they are fighting, but it is easier to just throw herself into fighting without question, express her frustrations through her weapon instead ( it is easier to swing a weapon instead of thinking about why they share a face, easier to strike again instead of questioning the tug of her heart ).

She summons her keyblade and uses their magic and fights because Xion no longer knows what else to do; fights because she feels numb ( and play your part, puppet, whispers the back of her mind ). She has trained for this day, knows which order of actions she needs to take, which attacks to do when.

She attacks the girl alike her because it is less painful than facing the others; some part of her does not want to hurt her either— does not want to hurt any of the three, but that is too complex a thought for a time like this.

They succeed, of course, but she feels no joy; feels nothing with her heart ( except stop stop stop stop ). She hangs back and watches, ignores the prickling pain in the back of her mind—

Vessel does not know when she moved, only that her hand is in pain and stop stop stop stop please don’t take—

The words her superior speaks do not make sense to her ( who would be _friends_ with a pawn like her? ), despite the fact that it resonates with some part of her; ignores that and stands up, she has her orders and puppet will do as she is told.

Her hands tremble and her throat feels tight and all puppet girl wants to do is ask why—?

Her world shatters and crumbles around her when he hears him speak through a face that does not match the voice; wails with pain when static fills her ears and you’re home, this is home, home home home home home—

( And suddenly, everything falls into place )

* * *

Despite the knowledge that her newfound memories have given her, a part of her can’t help but feel she’s betraying them by fighting like this; using what she has been taught to give her an advantage, so Xion hangs back a little at first

( She has an easier time fighting when she thinks about how he strung her along like the puppet she is—

That doesn’t make it any easier when she sees the glimmer of contentedness in his gaze when she delivers the finishing blow )

* * *

_Like this, he teaches her, guides her unsteady hands, shows her how to defend herself. A potion is slipped into her hand when Xion makes the mistake of trying to counter his attack while in berserk mode._

_“Keep your distance and use your_ magic. _” Saïx warns, expression as solemn as ever. “You’ll be of more use to just force them to run into my attacks by using your own.”_

_And then, her posture is changed one last time, begrudgingly._

_“If you’re going to strike me down, do it like this.”_

_( Had it been said to anyone else, such course of action would have seemed suicidal )_

* * *

Perhaps it is unsurprising, when their fight has finished, that Xion breaks down in tears and cries— feels with a heart she has always had from the start ( in retrospect, everything makes sense, at last ).

She pushes herself close to her two friends and clings to them; no more being separated, she refuses to lose them again.

( Home, her heart sings, she’s finally at home ).

* * *

All of it feels sort of surreal; not forgotten, existing on her own terms—

( Finally being the three of them, at the beach, like they had promised so long ago ).

She had seen the beaches a few times in all of her existence, but none of it equates to this; being able to smile and laugh with her two best friends—

Her and Roxas screeching when Axel dunks them in the cold, salty sea water—

The three of them sitting in the sand, eating ice cream like old times.

( The sun sets on this chapter of their old lives, and she cannot be any more content than that )

**Author's Note:**

> A quick rundown of notes:  
> Yes, the fight with Saix was supposed to remind her of Axel.  
> Yes, during the fight™ Sora reminds her of Roxas. That's literal canon, just it doesn't come across in the English very well. The Japanese dub literally uses Roxas' voice to say Xion's name during that scene and I hold onto that very strongly thank you.  
> Demyx was supposed to be written into one of the earlier parts but he wasn't and that might be obvious by how his part is written.  
> Riku Replica was supposed to be more relevant, along with Vanitas ( I couldn't find a good place to shove him in though )  
> Originally I was going to put Xion on recon w/ Marluxia bc Rapunzel and the different comparisons that I could've made there but I forgot. Also I liked the part with Larxene more and didn't want it to feel too repetitive even if that's the real KH spirit...  
> I was going to do a Xion diary entry to mirror the Vexen research report but again, couldn’t’ find a good place for it  
> I can't believe Saix wrote himself in that much, I have no clue how IC his parts are since..... I've never paid attention to him that much? wekfdsfljs  
> 


End file.
